I'm eating so much lately. It's almost as though subconsciencely I don't feel like I deserve to anymore. I do, though. I've done so many things wrong...but I don't see fat everywhere, except my tummy which needs toning. It's new. To be able to look at my wrist in both mirror and life and say "what a small wrist..."
I...don't know what I want. I kinda wanna be able to go out to eat and not think of going off and doing my first purge. But I also still feel like I shouldn't eat. Period. Is there a way to be in between? Sort of healthy?
These new feelings do not change anything. I'm still doing 400 calories tomorrow.
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