Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Why can't I do that?
I'm either not eating, restricting, or gaining gaining gaining.
Everyone acts like it's so easy to follow, so easy to do.
How? How? How?
Also, what's all this harping to me about not eating?
Why can't I do something that makes me happy?
J.P. tells me that she'll help me lose weight.
That we'll exercise everyday.
Then we don't.
I really need to lose weight though.
I'm out of it, though.
I've forgotten the calories of a lot of things.
A medium apple is....seventy something, right?
No, that's a medium banana....
No...neither are seventy something...Gosh...
I need to get back in the swing of things.
Maybe I'll start ABC?
I wanna be tiny for my senior year.
Itty bitty tiny.
I wanna be a zero.
I used to be a three.
They're not that far apart, right?
I still have homework to do.
I still have to workout.
I almost wanna say that working out is more important.
I do weightlifting five times a week(usually).
I need to burn the fat covering my muscle.
When I was fourteen, I was excited about learning how to drive.
But as my vision darkened more and more every time I stood up, I didn't expect to graduate from high school.
I still had plans for my future.
I want to be an author.
I wanted to be one then too.
I graduate in less than a year.
Still, I think I'm only physically better.
Psychologically, I think I'm getting worse because I want to so so so bad but I don't want to have my girlfriend freak out at me. I don't want the look on her face.
The shame that I gave in.
I can't always be strong, though.