Read this. The pain is mine, the thinness is a wish, the chemical high from cutting is how I feel. This proves why it's so hard (partly) for me to quit cutting. You guys tell me to stop and quit like it's easy. It's soo damn hard. I want to see my blood, to get that high. I wanna feel alive. I really wanna just cut myself.
Still, I'm trying to tough it out. To break through. It's sooo hard, though. So freakishly hard. I have to remind myself that I'm worth so much more than this continually. Or I will break down and do it. Again and again and again. With my dad treating me like he does, I'm surprised that he hasn't made me feel shitty enough to cut my wrists and go, "SEE WHAT YOUR FUCKIN TORMENT DOES!?" because maybe if he sees it, he'll believe it.
Screw this, I'm gonna go take a shower. I'm sure if I keep typing about this, I actually will hurt myself again.
Night, ladies and gentlemen.
I have never had this problem, but it sounds very hard to give up, so I dont want to make it sound like it's easy, but you have come this far and you are doing so well, so don't give in now!
ReplyDeleteStay strong,
Lottie x