Wednesday, April 13, 2016

I can't believe that was only a month ago.

I was reading my last post.
We ended up getting back together.
And then breaking up for good.
And then she decided that she isn't sexually attracted to girls.
And I realized that I've probably been passively suicidal since high school. Like I have plans for the future, and none of them include dying, but if it happened I wouldn't be too upset.
And I actually told some friends that I am.
Including my ex.
I told her last night.
And then today she told me she needs to focus on her.
Which is fair.
I'm hard to deal with.
I'm tearing the shit out of my arm. I don't know what else to do.
We broke up two weeks ago.
I've lost ten pounds since then.
It's really hard to eat right now.
We're on good terms.
Her friends, who I guess were once my friends, suck dick.
I really shouldn't be alone right now.
But I don't give enough fucks to seek people out at one in the morning.
I mean, this blade actually isn't cutting my skin. Just making the skin red and raised.
God I'm so tired. Of everything.
Love you lots,