Saturday, July 26, 2014

Weight Motherfuckin Gain

I'm on mood stabilizers. They cause weight gain. I gained seven pounds in a week and a half. Which if I was in a healthier mind set, it would all be ok. But I don't have a healthier mind set. I have the mind set, some times, of someone with an eating disorder. At 197.4 pounds, it's getting so much worse. You have to cut 500 calories daily from your diet to lose one pound a week in a considerably healthy manner. I cut 1000. That's two pounds a week. Still healthy, supposedly. By time I go to school this way, I could lose twelve pounds. That would be 181. It's not fast enough. Three pounds a week would be eighteen. That would be 179. As a lady at 5'5.75", I should be closer 130. That's sixty pounds. I am sixty pounds overweight. Two years ago, I was 128. Who cares how I got there? I was at a healthy weight. And going down. My body was a size five, headed to a three.
I hate my body so much. However, I have to pretend how much I love my body. Isn't that how it always is?
I'm gonna catch up on you guys' blogs.
Lots of love,
PS, I'm trying to grow my hair out. It's getting almost to my shoulders. From a pixie. It was an awesome look, but I want longer hair.