YES!!

I think I'm getting out of the slump I was in! Haha, 470 and only because I just HAD to eat that EFFING cherry poptart with EFFING frosting. Otherwise it would have been, drum roll please.... 270! I am not eating anymore tonight, I swear. And yes, I argued with myself over eating that poptart. Tomorrow, if I go to church, I'm gonna march my butt up to the gas station and, yes, get that Snapple Diet Peach Green Tea and a fricking thing of water. I bought Special K bar things. Only 90. Soooo, I think I'll eat one of those when I wake up, just to get everything going.
OH! And for the first time, in a long time, I bought a medium sized shirt...even if it is a night shirt, I'm still proud considering how upset I've been. My effing arm hurts from Mom giving me my shot yesterday. I would say she did it horribly wrong if it wasn't her job to give shots.
And I bet some of you are going, "Oh, great, now that everything seems a bit easier, she's gonna stop being as strict on herself." WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! If anything, I'm hoping this means I'll quit going over 400, but I GUESS 500 is okay.
I bet some are wondering just how many I used. I'm horridly ashamed to admit how many I used... 304. Yup, that's it. It would've been just dandy if I hadn't had that poptart, but nooo I just HAD to stuff the thing down my throat! Sorry, bit of self-loathing came in then. Luckily, it's easy to hide that you've gone off the deep end to friends who don't really care. "Oh, you're not yelling at me today? Alright." That's how I feel it is with my "best friend." She knows I cut and when I decide to actually come out and tell her, I get a splendid, "I knew." And you aren't at all worried? I'm super worried about you, girl, but I don't think I can stop you. Me, I'm a freaking time bomb, I swear. Leave me alone with me too long and I start being very...self-destructive. Very fun, actually.
And now I'm kinda panicky. My friend is probably coming over Tuesday. I can't stand that kind of...surveillance. It scares me to no effing end because she KNOWS what to look for and, I guess, she knows when I'm acting stranger than usual.
...Now, instead of thinking about it, I REALLY wanna play VIDEO GAMES! I'm such an effing video game junkie it's not even funny, but I'm not going to play video games because I'm going to finish this book I'm reading that is SUPER interesting...Unlike this blog. Honestly, I wish I were more interesting or had a more interesting way of putting things, like, instead of saying my arm hurts I could've said, "MY GOSH!!!1!!!!1!!11!!! MY ARM FEELS LIKE IT'S GOING TO FALL OFF!!!" and be overly dramatic about it. I think I'm going to pack my lunch for school most of next year. Yeah, a nice big lunch, hardyharhar. That lunch's calorie max? 40 cals. For food and drink. The salad we have, for some reason, has, like, 25 cals. I'm not even kidding. The dressing we have is AMAZING and has only 10, I think. Yeahh, take that and a drink of that green-effing-tea and there we go! All 40.
Gosh, I need some effin' caffeine. I've been tired all day, but that's really from lack of sleep because I went to bed at four-thirty and Mommy woke me up at 10 because my grandma was going to take me to her house to mow that lawn. I didn't even get most of it mowed. BUT I did take a nap before we left for Wal-Mart...but only for, like, an hour.
OK, I'm done just kind of...rambling. I'm gonna go finish Infinity (the book I'm reading). I don't know what's gotten into me, I just feel like BABBLING! Whatevers! Today feels like I was stepping into a new world and leaving the old problems behind (though I know they're gonna follow eventually).

Stay strong, peeps!
Luff,
IXIA! ♥