Alright...

No more slacking off! The 26th (next time I'll have cake stuffed down my throat) is only, technically, 9 days away from now. Until then, I'm not going to effing go nuts with the food. Why? I highly doubt my friend will be over again and I don't doubt I can get away with how I was before my brother's birthday (without all the screwing up!) . Haha, anyone wanna tell me why I get so tired after I eat, like, anything? Seriously, I get very tired very suddenly. Even after eating "normally" for the past few days.
Actually, I may ramble because I feel horrible because I couldn't cheer up my friend. What kind of friend can't cheer up the person they've been friends with for, about, five years? I really tried to make her happy. Told her that if she were here, I would cry with her, if I wanted to dishonor the moment, I would cut, and if I thought it would help, I would tell her she's beautiful. I feel as though I has failedd her as a friend...but I mean, I do feel a little upset. We kinda got into a fight because she was going to ask me something about her BF(if we were going to fight anytime he was mentioned) but before she finished, she was just all like, "Oops. I was going to see if I could go a whole day without mentioning him." I did in fact say she was pitiful for not being able to go one day without mentioning him. Honestly, when I get a BF my friends will (hopefully) not notice a difference. I'll try not to talk about him a lot unless he is, like, really amazing (haha, and apparently not from around here). I'll be able to go a whole, effing day without even realizing I didn't mention him. OH!!! Later, she told that she had, in the past, gone a whole day without mentioning him. Then why didn't she make it sound like she had!? RAWR!!!
Okay, okay, I'm over it. Totally. I'm gonna go to bed soon. Slap Flynn (my phone, haha) on the charger. Yes, I named my phone. Why not? Geesh, I'm so tired and it's not even funny. Actually, I'm kinda hungry. A loads less hungry than usually, but it feels worse because I'm used to eating "normally" because of all of these times where I feel like people are watching me so I feel like I have to eat and I can't refuse the food or I'll look... suspicious. Ugh!! RAWR!! RAGE!!! Wow, I'm really tired. Please ignore everything from "Ugh!!" to "Wow," because if you don't, it's embarrassing for me.
I hate how I say more on the internet than I do in RL. I mean, it's like I say everything that's on my mind at the time and all of the things that were on my mind at the time and then I say things I know I'll regret. Gosh, I'm so stupid about what to say and what not to say and now I'm just rambling and I really need to stop it. Whatever. I realized how much I miss one of my friends. I don't think I've seen her for, like, a year or half a year or something. She used to be my light and day, my everything sane. Now, when my world's completely insane, I'm utterly meaningless to her because of a mistake I made less than three years ago. Everyone playfully said we were twins, but that was fine with me. I really cared a lot about her. Haha, I remember once I had the very sudden urge to kiss her. I haven't actually shared that memory with anyone. I think we were in third grade, though, so it shouldn't matter. I just find it funny that I remember it even though I should've totally just forgotten it. Maybe it's because I'm from a Christian household that I remember something stupid like that so well. It was beautiful.
We were laying in her bed, snuggled up, because we were supposed to be asleep. She had a small TV in her room that we had on, though we weren't watching it. WE were just laying there talking and out of the blue I got the urge to kiss her. I didn't do it, but I don't really regret not doing it either! Haha, I can't imagine how it would've been if I had. Really, I miss snuggling up with someone when I go to sleep... So I sleep with a stuff puppy, but it's not the same.
Okay, I'm getting off before I admit something else stupid! Haha!
LOVE YOU!! Stay strong! YAY!
With many sleep-filled hugs,
Ixia