My poor mom

She's an amazing mother even when she doesn't seem like it. Right now, I should be happy. I refused all they ask me if I wanted. The fact that I don't like what they're making helps, but still. My dad hit the nail on the head. "I guess you're not hungry today then." And you know what? I don't feel that hungry. I should, but I don't. My dad's actually one of my excuses. Back when I was twelve, he made so many comments about my weight and actually told me I should go puke up what I ate quite a few times. When I was, like, eight, he told me I missed my chance to be a model because I was too short and fat. I didn't really understand why he would want me to be a model, and the comments usually rolled off me.
Right, this was suppose to be about my mom. After I said I didn't want anything that they were serving, and went into my room so they would leave me alone, my mom came in and, well, kinda stood there for a moment. That actually freaks me out and annoys me. Finally, she told me that if there was something I wanted, she would take me to the store to get it. Well, since I'm pretty tired of salad, and potato salad doesn't sound any better, I didn't want anything. I mean, sure, I'm hungry, but I don't feel like eating much today. Usually, I'm fighting to keep myself away from food, but now... Nothing. No urge to run out there and scarf down whatever it is that they're having for supper. No urge to even flaunt the fact that, yes, I am eating so my mom won't worry. I just don't feel like faking it even. Honestly, I think I'm depressed or something stupid. It feels like I can't breath, even though I'm breathing just fine. I swear, I'm going crazy from lack of sleep. Went to bed at four, woke up around 11. Maybe that's why I'm not hungry. Haha, too tired to be hungry. I feel empty, which pleases me, but only to some extent. I wanna know if my friend can go shopping with me. I wanna know if I should try to get different friends this year. I don't really know what I want right now. I'm tired and it's only six in the evening. I would just fall into my bed and sleep, but then my mom would think that something is really wrong. I'm fine, honestly. No need to worry any more than I do.
Really, I wanna wiggle into the dress on Saturday and it be a little baggy. Why? As proof that I'm losing weight. Without help. On my own. By help, I do mean from pills and all that. With how it fits me now, I feel like I have HUGE boobs. Which, for my age, may be true. It's a cute dress and I'm hoping I won't totally ruin the cuteness(by being too fat). I wanna look great when we go shopping. I guess because I don't get to go shopping much anymore. I'm gonna take loads of pictures when we go shopping. Hum.. Guess that means I'll be taking a purse too. Because I'm not putting my phone and camera down my dress. teeheehee. Okay, I'm gonna get off now before I type something that I totally later regret.
Toodles!
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