Ok, ok, so we're not really flirting, and sure we're not even close to good friends yet, but my razor has struck me again. I couldn't slice open my wrists because that's where everyone actually LOOKS.
First, we should go back to yesterday when I was craving a nice cut here and there. I didn't think I had anything to do it with, so I wrote all over myself. One of the things I wrote was part of a song. It's from Dying to Survive by Ace da Vinci. The part on my thigh reads, "She doesn't care about the fastest way to get paid, Nobody tells her what to do except the switchblade." Well, I remembered that I had that razor head in my jewelry box. I tore it completely apart and underlined switchblade in a neat little cut. Gosh, it's bleeding so, so much. I love it! It's bleeding so much that it is gonna be a huge stain on my jeans. I, obviously, changed out of them and into PJs. I put a bandanna tightly over it. All of this is kinda ironic/funny. When I started, I told myself, "Only do this when you feel as though no one in the world respects you." Now, part of the reason I'm doing it is because ingesting blood makes humans nauseous. It's pretty awesome.
I got horrible cramps today. You don't really need to hear this, but I started my female thing around noon today and got horrid cramps. I think it's from being hungry when I got my female thing (winkwink) but they went away after a while, so I dunno what the heck happened.
I love the internet. Otherwise, I would be petrified to confront my cutting and embrace it as something that makes me into me. I've told a grand total of.... TWO of my friends. I didn't really feel satisfied with their responses. One said that she would be there for me and the other said that she used to, but stopped because there were too many health hazards. That might be her way of saying stop before you actually hurt yourself. Whatever. I feel that if she cares so much she could actually say it.
Live, Love, Lie,
Ixia
No comments:
Post a Comment