Sunday, March 20, 2011

Hey, J.R.,

first off, I wanna say that I know you don't think anything of me. I know that when you see me, hatred fills you. I know that you try to avoid me at school because if you don't, you'll ruin your act. You wouldn't want them, the people who "matter" to know you're a complete jerk, would you?
That being said, thanks for fucking my mental state up back in October. Thanks for retriggering thoughts I had almost let go of. Thanks a lot for breaking me mentally so I went back to wanting to deny myself food and so I started cutting more. I had almost quit before you did that. Why would I thank you? Because now I'll look better than I did before it happened and I have AMAZING people who are supporting me. People who are better friends than you ever were (really, who tells their friend that they should kill themself because the world is better off without them?). So, thanks.
Loveless,
Lexi
P.S., I made out with your ex-girlfriend while you were still obsessing over her. =3

Dear, J.P.,
I love you. I was there when you were going through hell. You're a brat, but I still loved you. You were my best friend, so I expected you to be there when the times got rough. Instead, you left. Slammed the figurative door in my face and told me you were just sick of me being overly controlling and dramatic. I helped you with your eating disorder and cutting when we were in junior high. We're freshman now and I have some of those problems. Only differences are mine isn't from my mom calling me fat once, mine is a complete terror of eating, and you don't want to deal with it. It's always so much easier to deny that you had any part in this. You controlled, in some way, six years of my life. Six years I'll never, ever get back. Then you tossed me to the side, a broken toy with no use to you.
Hey, maybe someone will pick me up only to them I will be something more than a toy.
Fuck You, Here's to Me,
Lexi.
P.S. I wake up every morning and laugh because you and L.S. are fighting over J.R. which is so ironic that it sometimes doesn't even make sense to me why life would do that.

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