Blank.
Guilty.
Drained.
I had to remind myself that Peanut Butter, who is more than a friend, who is basically my sister, attempted suicide because of me. She went through so much pain because of me. J.P. said that Peanut Butter called her a whore and I was cold to her. I was mean. She cried because of me.
Why doesn't J.P. have to deal with guilt? I feel like I should cut my very heart out and give it to her, saying sorry one more time. I shouldn't still feel bad, she says she's forgiven me. Maybe that makes it worse for me. I'm used to someone holding it against me.
I tried to talk to Mom about it, hoping it would help. Not when her attention is on her paper. I still feel aweful.
Thanks, Rachael. I'll try to believe in myself more.
OK, I really need sleep. Night...
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