SCREW YOU!! I don't have to be dead thin to be beautiful! To feel happy! There are better things to waste my time with! Like, I dunno, MARVELING at the fact that I'm FINALLY to the point that my BMI doesn't say I'm overweight (24.8)! Or that sitting in my room by myself, cold and hungry and near tears, has been happening too much lately! I could be writing instead of counting away my days!
Okay, my rare lapse into sanity is over. Insanity is claiming me again. The insanity that has me looking me in the mirror and thinking, "That's not me. She' cute!! And me...well, I'm not. At all." Seriously, I was dancing in front of the bathroom mirror, thinking to myself, "That girl could be a band's lead singer. She seems to charismatic. She's def. not me." Then, as I walked down the lighted tunnel of sanity a tiny voice was whispering to me, "But that beautiful girl is you. You made her beautiful." It whispered it over and over and over, dragging me back to a sane state of mind. But then I sat down and started typing and realized how little sense I made. And back down the rabbit hole I fell.
Goodnight. I'm going shopping with my mom later today.
My mind is similarly uncool to my moods. I have been rollercoastering it more than ever since the fasting, and I think it may have to do with being hungry, not being able to eat, but not being motivated to ACCOMPLISH anything in substitution for eating. Like you said, writing. And making art. Anything but eating really.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, have fun shopping love!
xxxooo Eva