Music.

It's becoming my safety net. Like this song by TobyMac begins:

You turned away when I looked you in the eye,
And hesitated when I asked if you were alright,
Seems like you're fighting for you life,
But why? oh why?
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta no where,
And there's always scars
When you fall back far

And nearly every time I listen to I get chills because just by looking at me I'm pretty sure that someone could tell when I feel like crap. On the other hand, I've also been listening to Failure by Designer Jeans by From First to Last. WHICH REMINDS ME! Only liquids today and tomorrow to make up for yesterday and the end of the day before. Can't believe they got pizza and part of a waffle down my throat! With syrup! GOSH! Okay, this dude that I guess I kinda has a crush on (probably because he's a connection to a more innocent, happy me) had a baseball game yesterday. No, I didn't get to see it, but they did win... because the other team couldn't make it. BUT I saw his younger sisters who are the cutest things in the world. I talked to one of them for a little while, but she seemed pretty busy and my friend seemed to not want me to hang out with her, so we only got to talk a little. The fact that I did talk shocked me to no end. I mean, to me, she's like a stranger any more. Yet I talked to her as though a day hadn't passed without us speaking to one another. I missed her because she's just...bubbly. It's refreshing to be around someone who is bubbly because they just are and not someone who doesn't know what bubbly really is, but they try to be it and end up being annoying(my friend is like this some times).
OK! Back to the baseball game I missed. I really wanted to see him play, even though that's embarrassing to admit. I wanted to be one of those random faces in the crowd that he sees when just kinda glancing at the crowd. I wanted to cheer for him and his team even though I usually cheer for the other team (I really don't like where I live). I wanted to know that even though he, probably, doesn't care about me, I showed that I cared about him in a way. But I should stop dwelling on it. He dates the really thin, sporty kind of chick. And I am neither thin nor sporty. Rarely, he enters my thoughts, but when he does... It's torture. I should be over it. I should realize I'm worth more than some brat a grade below me. I shouldn't feel as though I wish I failed this year so that we would have a slip hope of being together in a class. I shouldn't care. Yet because I'm such a drama queen (that's how it seems) I don't just forget it! I'm such an idiot. Can someone, please, tell me this will eventually pass?

Closer to Love by Mat Kearney(song):

If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away


Okay, I'm going to get off now. To walk my dog. DUDUDU!!