I was reading a list of ways to keep yourself from feeling hunger and it hit me...If it gets soo bad that I'm cutting, the next thing will be that I simply can ignore the hunger pains. I'll be hungry for hours and never realize it until I'm reaching for the soda/water/whatever and then it'll hit me. Yeah, I reached that point today. I kept myself caffeinated after I left home with my mom around six. There's this one energy drink out there. 145 mg/whatever it's measured in of caffeine and the calories are only 30 and the bottle is tallish so it seems like there's a lot in it. I'm probably gonna manage to kill myself drinking them, but it tastes better than coffee, so... eh.
Ok, so anyway, I guess I'm rehydrating now because that's all I've had since we got home... Water. I must be going through more than I am willing to actually acknowledge for my body to become self-destructive. Well, since it's about 2:29AM, I'm gonna go to bed.
Later:
breakfast=
grapes(4): 16
apple slices(4): 40
coffee (12oz): 3
total: 59
Lunch=
cheese bites (2)=50
cherries(4)=24 (feel free to correct this if you think it's wrong.)
diet mt. dew= 0
total=133
Supper=
Nothing. I'm at home, and don't feel like eating. Though I guess I don't have to explain myself to you guys.
Snackage=
Cherry (3)=18
Coffee=2
Total=153
This is why I don't set a limit on my calories. Because if I don't wanna eat, this is how I eat.
We went shopping today because I needed black shoes for tomorrow because I be in concert choir at school. So, I picked up a couple tank tops and a pair of capris because we're wearing our robes and can wear whatever under it. Honestly, it looks like I'm gonna go work out in dress shoes instead of singing in a choir. Hey! Maybe I'll use them for that after this, use them as exercise clothes.
I've been lying a lot lately. First I told my mom that one of my shirts was bloodstained because I had cut myself while shaving and it was the first thing I saw when I realized it, so I used it to apply pressure to make the bleeding stop. Totally a lie. Then today I told her I was getting a large and medium tank top in case the large doesn't fit. Well, I'm actually just gonna use it as something to strive for once I start eating normally again (or I decide that this is just fine).
Maybe I'll ask my mom for a jump rope for Christmas. That way, I can start jumping rope...Though I guess I could hop up and down for a while, but it's just not as fun as jumping rope. I guess I'll find something to do because sitting around all day is not an exercise.
Okay, I'm gonna hop off and get all nice and caught up on all the blogs I follow. :)
try to give up the lyiing - it is not good, be true to yourself
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