Monday, January 30, 2012

I just want to feel alright


Was gonna fast today.
Then I had two itty bitty cookies for lunch.
Then I came home and had over 600 calories.
Step on scale.
152 it reads.
What do you do when size nines are starting to cling to you body?
When you realize you're all the way back to square fuckin one?
And why do I keep telling my girlfriend that she can't starve herself when that's exactly what I do?

Also, when I don't eat, I feel like one of those girls with the dark eye shadow and liner who just don't seem to be there.
I'm going to exercise like a beast before I go to bed tonight.
Why?
Because. I'm. Sick. Of. THIS!
I want to lose this weight.
Now.
I'm impatient.

Because I've tasted thin.
For a brief moment.
Now, I just want to get there (and farther).
So, J.P. says that being in a relationship makes her all insecure.
Sadly, I want a person who can make me feel beautiful and safe and....like this starving is for me and then.
Someone who's confident so I wanna look good for them.
I also want tiny legs.

2 comments:

  1. understandable. we don't care about ourselves, but when the ones that we love start showing starts of being hurt or hurting themselves, we stop. we recoile. we attack. because we don't care about ourselves. we care about everyone else. <3 i know what you mean about being sick of this weight. i hope you drop. 152lbs today. lower tomorrow! here's to hope so.
    -Sam Lupin
    PS. to tiny legs!
    PSS. sorry haven't been commenting = extremely busy with the IB system. last year and grad and all!

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  2. I had a deam I was choking and throwing up slivers and chunks of glass and it brought me here. strange. best wishes......crickett

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