On this medication,

I've found that I think about starving a lot, but can't actually do it.
Can't come up with the lies,
can't spit it out when I get it into my mouth.
Just stuff my face.
For lunch Friday, I had a cookie. A COOKIE.
Honestly...
So, starting at midnight tonight, I'm fasting for 36 hours. Maybe more if I can?
Anna got into trouble for taking a Jell-O shot at a football game.
The kids who gave it to her are ticked off at me, but she's dealing with her punishments well and I'm really proud of her for owning up to it and dealing with the punishments.
Then again, her mom's still letting her hang out with me.
Because I'm the one who got upset. I'm the one who wanted to puke and cut and not eat.
Her other friends were like "You ok?" "You want another one?" "Did you like it?" while I was like "That smell makes me wanna puke and I'm not letting you spend the night after that." She spent the night in the end.
I've got a girlfriend~ She knows I don't love her, but she loves me and so we're trying to make that jump from friends to girlfriends.
I need sleep.
Goodnight.


Lottie: There's no talking to my dad about things. There's avoiding him and hoping everything is fine.