One step forward and Two Steps Back

Sooo... I thought I.M. was right.
Now I'm scared I don't want her to be.
=/ Guess that's just how my messed up mind works.
Ok! Another nerd moment. Yeahh... Sorry
For those of you who know what anime/manga and cosplay is, I wanna say that I have not, ever, officially done a cosplay, but I love a good one.
I have so been deviantart stalking this page since...yesterday.
Yesterday night, actually, I got my friend into SasuNaru, but we won't go into that.
Uhm... I plan on writing some today. Hopefully it won't be poetry, but then again, I'm trying to fill up this notebook with poetry. Yeah.... I'm such a poet. Hahaha no.

Mainly it's about love and how much love sucks and hurts.

Speaking of love, I have been in love twice. My forever and current love, I.M., and I'm pretty sure I was in love with J.P. and that's why it hurt so much when she was dating J.R..

My hair is sooo silky. It hasn't been this way for ages.

The split ends need cut off though. SNIP~

I'm thinking about starting school with really short hair. I wanna keep my bangs, though, because I feel like my face is still fat. =/ I dunno.

More Nerd talk

I'm really nervous. In about 3 weeks, I'll be in X (not home), Illinois. I probably won't post the 12-14. I'll be nerding it up with I.M. and her friends. For that weekend I need to figure out a way to spike my hair. O.O Scary thought. Only semi-spike it, though.

Ok, enough nerd talk.

One of my friends and I talked about how her family freaked out when she put that she's bi on her myspace profile and that she cried for a week about it. It makes me feel lucky that my mom just makes comments like "I don't think God views that very favorably" because I don't care what her god likes. It's kinda really sad, though.

I found out that my ex is a d-bag.

Uhmm... :/

Comments:

Lottie: Don't look manga up online. You'll either be like "I just so wasted my time" or you'll fall in love with one. Trust me, I would know. I adore lazy days. I love just chilling out in my house for hours on end, just laying around...being lazy.

P.S. I think I.M.'s right. I think I'm getting "better" slowly.

Watching TV alone is so...lonely.

So, I'm pretty sure I've made it known that I'm a complete nerd. So, I was trying to watch the anime Loveless (squeee!!) and I got really bored with it. Maybe because I'm reading the manga, but the thought hit me of "This is really lonely." I'm used to watching Anime with my family, even if they mock it and hate it (my family is a little against homosexuals and, well, in Loveless the main characters ARE). Sooo...it was lonely. So I quit watching it. Today, I'm being nerdy and getting caught up with all my favorite mangas. Like...I spent two and a half hours last night getting caught up with the manga Naruto. It's gotten VERY dramatic! I nearly cried while reading it! Then again, it was the first manga I EVER read. It's special to me, just saying. I got it when I was...eight.

Hold on, I got this chapter of Kuroshitsuji to read and then I'll be ready to finish this post.

Dramatic gasp!! I so did NOT see that coming!

Ok, enough manga talk. I must have bored so many people. Sorry. If you're still reading, kudos to you.

I've had A cup of coffee today with no calorie sweetener and 30 calorie creamer. Very tasty. Very low calorie. I don't eat much until I have to these days. Probably killer on my metabolism.

Today, I feel very lazy. As you can see, I've done nothing expect read A LOT of manga and drink coffee. That's a lie. I've also checked my Facebook and talked to missy I.M. and listened to music.

Also, Marianas Trench (bandish) has a song called Perfect. It's a lovely song and I suggest listening to it. There's a part in it that says "I hate the way that I say I should stay
When I know that I don't give a fuck about it anyway
I shake hands and shoot smiles all around" And I have so felt that way before. Haha.

Also, this year is my sophomore year. It starts soon. I'm going to be one of those kids who gets home and DOES their homework. Except on Fridays. On Friday, it can wait. I'm gonna try for good grades. I need something more than a C.

Ugh. I don't wanna get up to get my coffee...but I really want some.

Okay, I'm gonna get up and get it...maybe..laziness.

Rachael: RACHAEL!! SQUEEE!!~ Okay, now that I'm done being a total creeper... I feel like an idiot because I try to push people I love away...and then I fall head over heels in love with people who don't love me and I hate it, so I quit trying to love them and then I'm with them physically and I fall more in love. :/ So I feel like an idiot more than half the time. And thanks, I hope it does work out.

P.S. I'm gonna go get my coffee now. =3

I love the song Numbers

by Pompeii. It's just.. I dunno, I'm not bulimic, but I feel I can relate.
"It's just a diet, I've kept it quiet and if you told my family and friend they would never believe it."
That's my family and most of my friends. And my problems seem to slip away when I don't eat. If I fast or go the most of the day without food and down coffee, I'm on cloud nine, all day. I can be the happiest person ever.

I saw I.M. yesterday and the day before. It was wonderful...except she paid more attention to the friend she had with her than to me. Yes, I got jealous, but didn't really act on it or say aanything. They're best friends, what is unexpected about me being ignored? Oh well. Loving her is hard. I'm stupidly surprised I haven't given up yet.

I wanna tell her that. But I'm scared. I'm scared to tell her anything. What if her other friends find out and think I'm a freak? What if she tells Anna? What if? What if? What if?!

I'm an idiot.

Comments:

Savanna: Oh my goodness, that was the worse part. I'm used to pain, I can take pain, but that sound is so nasty. Also, I believe this is the first comment I've read from you. Welcome to my lovely blog. <3

Kes: I love telling peopl I pierced my own ear already. Everyone just kinda winces

Ow.

So, I pierced my own ear last night. I didn't numb it and it actually took me the better part of an hour. My dad's gonna be ticked when he finds out. My mom will probably worry. Me? Well, I was ready to pass out after doing it. I freaked myself out last night, but after piercing my ear my head was pretty clear.

Birthday party later today. Before that, I need a shower, to find my swim suit, to change clothes 9343314098 times, and to eventually be uber happy about piercing my ear to everyone who will listen. My ear hurts. Oh wait, we've established that.

Have you heard the song Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not? It's adorable. I'm in love with it. Although, it makes me kinda sad. I mean, so many people fall in love and they're loved back. Why did my back luck have to appear when I fell in love. We could've been something perfect. When we're together, my heart's racing. I'm perfectly happy. All I want to do is hold her and make her realize I love her like I've never loved anyone before.

Yeah, that's my "oh I'm so screwed when it comes to love" rant.

Other thingss:

I am the one asking you to care.
I am your best friend hoping youll be there.

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.

Be like a postage stamp... stick with it until you get there.

You have to believe in yourself. And you have to down deep within the bottom of your soul, feel that you can do the job that you've set out to do.

Birthdays

Hate them. Made my calorie count go from MAYBE 250 to, I dunno, 500. Two tiny slices of cake. I wanted more, though, but kept it to myself. I'm glad I did. Before that, I didn't eat all day. Then Mom came home. Then I had a taco with about 100 calories of veggies and 40 of cheese and then some mayo (it was a weird tasting taco).

Fast=no existant.

Alex=fail.

Uhm... I'm so tired. Haha.

Kes: I love ticking parents off. Like, I found out that my aunt hates Black Veil Bride because I wore my BVB shirt and my cousin told me. And thank you, I'm trying to make it seem inviting! ^^

Good Morning World.

Woke up to about six messages from I.M.'s twitter account. Poor brat didn't get enough sleep. I told her too, even.

Alright, so, I'm really enjoying being back. You are all very lovely. It makes me feel so cool when I do it right and so bad when I don't. You guys are there to pick up when I do bad by telling me that I'll do better and just wait and see, you'll be beautiful. When I'm doing great, you're still there, happy as I am in my victories. That's why I like this community. No matter what I try to do, you're there to back me up and support me.

I've been listening to Eminem. I bought the CD to annoy my dad, to be honest. Not to let it be a waste of money, I've played it. It's cool. Even if you don't think so.

I changed the blog again. It looks more open and lovely now. I think, anyway. What you think? Your honest opinion, whether you like it or not, matters!

The font is kinda...huge, but I wanted something that seemed open and inviting and it just seems that way huge. I think I'll make it a little smaller so that you don't have to scroll a lot.