Friday, April 6, 2012

Raise your hand if you remember when you last cut.

I did today after J.P. and I got into a fight.
She's watching horror movies, which she hates, and already is having troubles with nightmares.
It hurt more than I ever remember it hurting.
I don't have as much scar tissue, maybe.
Did I mention I'm borderline anemic?
Probably from nearly two years of cutting with only one big break in it all.
From September (maybe?) to...January? February? I don't remember. It was a while, but it was always on my mind and the only reason I didn't was because J.P. was always around.
I freaked out over one of the cuts.
It just didn't seem to want to stop.
The others stopped really quickly, but this one just kept bleeding.
It's stopped and didn't even really take that long to quit.
I'm just not used to it.
I want someone to talk to, but I don't want to talk to anyone I know.
I don't know if I don't trust them or just don't want them to know or what.
Like I want to talk to one of J.P.'s friends who is just....sweet and calm and nice about basically everything. He's a dear, really.
But I don't want him to know that I have anything wrong like this.
I'm going to go write some more.
Food is making me feel sick. Probably because even though I've eaten today, I haven't had much. And I don't remember taking my iron supplement this morning...

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