I feel ugly in tight clothes

Which is all fine and dandy, but my clothes fit a girl 20-30 pounds SMALLER than I am. I'm always venting to J.P. it seems about this. She hates that I think I have to be thin to be pretty. I kinda don't like it either. I don't like how I get depressed when she says she's full and I'm still eating. I don't like how I get upset when she eats less than me. I know she works out more than me. I hate it.

I have a multivitamin, but I have to eat or else it makes me feel like puking.

But I've decided to eat less.

I'll have some Special K in the morning, just a little bit, not even a full bowl full, with a little of milk on it (I don't have the will to put water on it, kudos to those of you who do). Hopefully that'll be about 200 calories, have to eat lunch like I'm ok, so that will be 300-400. Supper...maybe I can skip it (please??).

I asked J.P. if we cannot have sex for a while because I feel so fat around her. She doesn't see it, because she thinks she looks like she's pregnant, but she's soo cute and stuff.

So, my break between semesters starts next week. I'm hoping (fingers crossed) that I can sleep in, exercise later into the night, and eat less. It'll probably be like this huge freaking candy feast, though, so I'll just gain weight and be more fat.

Did I tell you guys what my dad did? He gave away our coffee maker and we haven't replaced it. I'm so in need of coffee if I'm going to probably "forget" to eat. I hate salad, though, because I used to eat it all the time. It was the only thing my family thought I could eat when I first told them that I'm a vegetarian. Which worked out great for me because I was trying to lose weight. I wish I liked salad, though, so that I could eat it instead of other, more fattening foods, but I've gotten to the point where I'm one of those people who just POURS dressing on it. Only I have a little more control. I know that I only need a little to hide the flavor.

I walked through the house today after my shower and I realized that I hate the fact that my thighs jiggle, my belly FLOPS around, my upper arm flab just goes WOBBLE, WOBBLE, WOBBLE. I just...hate it. I honestly wish that I could wake up tomorrow and it just all be gone. I wanna be beautiful again and able to fit into Anna's clothes. You don't know how cool I felt fitting myself into her clothes. She's about 5 foot and anywhere from 90 to 115 pounds. She's got these tiny abs going on. She's sho cuteee. And it was awesome to wear her clothes. Because they fit.

Yeah. I've got some problems tonight.

How to fix it?

Oh, yeah....

Quit eating so much.