Sunday, March 13, 2016


My fiancee decided we need a "break"
She's not sure that she loves me as more than a friend anymore.
I expected to get to live my life with her.
I expected her to be there.
I mean, we live together, so she's still here in a physical sense.
But I can't.
I just can't.
There's a void.
I said I would be fine.
I said I was ok with whatever she needed.
I have a friend who all they said was that it would be ok.
One of her friends told her a break would be better.
Here's the thing though:
I'm not good without her.
When it's just me, I want the scars, the dips of my skin in between my ribs.
When it's just me I couldn't give a shit about myself.
But I don't want her to stay if she doesn't want to.
I don't want her to stay out of pity.
So I'm supposed to be asleep.
Just me and my panda.
Just alone.
Because we're taking a break in hopes that she decides that she's being irrational.
Just me.
In a queen bed by myself.
It's so hard to not slice my wrists open.
I don't know who to talk to.

1 comment:

  1. *hugs* I'm sorry to hear that hun :( It's so hard when your support, the person you turn to, suddenly leaves like that. I wish I had more helpful words. But remember the blogosphere is always here for you.