“Why?” is the wrong question.

I tell J.P. that I'm tired of eating at least once a week. I try to eat normal and just get so tired of it.

This time, she told me to take a break for a couple of days.

A two day fast?

That'd be the longest I've ever done.

Would I be too tempted to continue to three, four, five days?

She says only two days at a time.

Does that mean don't eat two, eat one, don't eat two, eat one, restrictions?

I haven't done the WiiFit yet today, but I did do weight lifting.

Almost forty minutes of weightlifting.

And when I'm not lifting, I stretch.

May I let you in on a secret?

It is worth the strange looks.

It is worth it to be the only person stretching in a weight room.

See, we're in groups.

Two to three people per group.

I'm in a three person group.

There's a lot of time that I'm not lifting weights. Especially when S.C. (girl in my weightlifting PE and one of J.P.'s iffy friends) decides she's going to spend most of the class complaining about an exercise rather than doing it and getting it over with.

I'm the opposite.

I don't complain.

I just do it and push myself until I can't lift the weight again, until my arms have that strange weightlessness to them that later screams I pushed myself way too far again.

Oddly enough, my thighs and calves never do that when I run anymore.

Which should mean that I run a lot, am great at it, all that stuff. I don't run a lot. Not until I think I'm fat and need to lose weight.

Oh, my hip bones stuck out really early into my weight loss last time I lost a lot of weight.

I found that it's probably because I did the Hula Hooping on the WiiFit.

You use those muscles in that area.

When I lost weight last time, my arms were still really flabby because the only way I knew to work them was push ups. I'm bad at push ups and they hurt my arms a lot.

I'm kinda scared to start restricting a lot again.

Because it consumes me.

Every thought becomes some how related to the addiction of not eating.

Even my writing some how became related to it.

I love writing, and know that to be a good author my character's one problem can't be the main cause if I want multiple, strong characters.

J.P.'s going through her guilt mood again.

She says it's because she hurt me sooo badly and I can still look her in the eyes and say that I love her.

I keep telling her that at the time, it was a big thing.

Now it's just "whatever".

There's still some hurt, but not with her.

It's more with J.R. who never really said sorry for all the crap he did and now I'm really paranoid around him and see the worst motives for the things he does.

He compliments something I do, I believe he's being sarcastic.

Being in a class with his sister and him is almost terrifying, even if I love the class and have friends.

All the time I sit there in the class thinking how conforming they all are.

Someone says an opinion, J.R.'s sister says something, the first person changes their opinion to match hers.

Well, I need to study for a test, use my wiifit, and get a shower.

Preferably before 11:30.

Sam [Misha] Lupin

I'm going to lifting five days a week (for most weeks) until May 17ish. Then I probably won't until about August something. So, I hope that my arms stay smallish throughout the summer. Though knowing my luck, it won't happen. Also, I can run for what feels like forever if I can breathe through my nose, out my mouth. It's even better when people don't talk to me while I'm running. I will never understand my mother's desire to talk to me while I'm pushing myself to run. Although, I (think I) run slowly. In ten minutes, I run about 1.2 almost 1.3 miles. I'm very proud of myself, though, because I can run a mile in about eight minutes and not want to die (something I couldn't do in about eleven minutes during middle school). Sorry that I didn't write anymore yesterday. I really didn't feel as though I had time to.

Have a lovely day/evening/night/afternoon.