I feel inadaquate. No matter what your reason for leaving is.

I was supposed to go to her house so that I could be there with her while her mom's boyfriend was there.
I got into the shower and her grandpa showed up, so she left.
It makes sense, she had to.
So why do I feel somehow like I failed her?
I want to be that thin friend, the one everyone is scared to leave by herself for a long time.
I know it's selfish.
But I want to be the girl that people are scared to touch, but want to hold together.
I want to be that tiny girl at the lunch table who downs a bottle of water for lunch instead of the fat chick who eats EVERYTHING for lunch.
Tomorrow, I believe I will take a salad for lunch.
This time last year, I was a whole twenty pounds lighter.
Okay, not exactly true.
I was about 136.
I'm now 151.
It hurts to type.
I look back on all the times I ate things I shouldn't have and I wish I had exercised instead.
But I thought I owned the world.
I thought I could eat whatever, do whatever and still be 128.
You can't be 128 if you eat normally when you got there by starving.
Why is it so much easier to not eat than it is to eat and count the calories?
Because if I allow myself the luxury of eating, I will eat everything I decide I want.
That's how my mind works.

Sam Lupin
I think I maintained. But last night when I weighed myself I nearly freaked out because I was 156. And I almost cried yesterday because I had to buy size seven and size nine jeans. And we WILL get there. ^^ I'll work so much harder so that we will get there together.