I drink coffee and water and diet soda as though they'll wash away hurt I deny.

Went to see my therapist today.

She asked how my eating was.

I didn't give a direct answer.

So she asked what I ate today.

I didn't lie.

Most of a slice of pizza, most of half an apple, some green beans, some trail mix, a cheese roll-up from Taco Bell, cinnamon twists from Taco Bell, some mac and cheese from KFC, and a small cherry pepsi.

It was an easy talk.

I don't know how she feels about me eat/not eating.

J.P. indirectly told me she thought I was going to rape her.

I felt...worse than if I had tried a two day fast and failed.

Honestly, I think I'm gonna do a two day fast.

I need to feel proud of myself.

Also, I need to start counting calories again.

I don't know how I quit.

I don't know anything anymore.

I used to know the calorie count of every food I even thought of eating.

Need to exercise too.

I exercise when I fast.

Like a lot.

More than I probably should.

I do a lot of running.

It causes my stomach to go SQUISH.

The hunger falls away.

The weight falls away.

It makes me want to dance.

Usually, I weigh myself at least three times a day.

Today I've only done it once.

In the morning.

Also, I've been reading a book called The Predicteds by Christine Seifert.

It's beautiful.

I don't really like the main character, though.

Like, I do sometimes.

But not a lot.

But I like the book so much that I don't really care.

Is that weird?

Thought so.

Okay, time to weigh and exercise.

Thirty minutes of running?

I think I can do it!

Byee