Breathing....

When your weight goes from 150.2 to 152.0, all you can do is breathe and plan your next fast.
Yes.
I am planning to fast tomorrow.
I love being able to watch the numbers go down, down, down.
Yes, it's hard.
It's hard to deny the foods I want.
It's hard to not go and just eat everything I want.
I can do it, though.
I can drink enough water that I feel full.
I can swallow a vitamin that makes me feel like I'm gonna puke and then just say I don't feel well.
I can fast.
It's addictive and I'm back to doing it.
J.P. and I got into another fight last night.
I was to the point I was hyperventilating and crying.
At one point she said that she was going to another bedroom to sleep.
It made everything worse.
To me, it wasn't just her getting up and leaving.
It was her leaving.
It was her just getting up and leaving for good.
It was horrible.
I don't remember how, but in the end she was holding me and I was crying, saying "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry" over and over.
A little while after that, we just snuggled.
I weighed myself about three times today.


Sam Lupin-
Things always get better with her, it just takes a little while. Haha. Ahhh! You mentioning my running reminded me that I've been a lazy butt all weekend. Gotta change that tomorrow. :)