This paper deserves more time and a less sickly me.

In two nights, I pulled twenty resources out of no where, basically. I'm sure some of them repeat what others say. It's a broad, worldly matter that I should have devoted more time to. Honestly, I feel bad that I didn't.
But what really ticked me off was that my dad asked what I was researching. No, it wasn't that he asked, it was HOW he asked. "What ya researching? Gays? Fags?" Like, he had to correct himself. It just ticked me off. How in the world are you supposed to believe a family will at least accept you if you come out and tell them you're bisexual? My dad's the least religious, other than myself, I suppose, in the household (actually, sometimes he's the most)! My older brother, B, seems like he's upset with me for writing a paper on same-sex unions (I got my wording right, Lottie. ^^) even though it's not a persuasive paper! I'm not telling the teacher he should be for or against them. I'm restating facts. Like as of June first of this year, same-sex couples will be able to have a legal union in Illinois (sorry for my icky wording, it's the first time I've thought of writing/typing that up in a non-word-for-word-straight-from-the-article way.). I'm so proud of my state now (though I'm betting once B gets word of this, he'll be happy that he lives in Indiana most of the time).
Which reminds me of this lesbian couple at school. To be honest, everyone says that they're a gross group and they shouldn't make out in front of everyone (like EVERYONE else does), but I'm proud of them. They're the only public, not-heterosexual couple we have. I know they're getting a lot of crap because they're so sexually attracted to one another and because one's really thin and pretty while the other is not so thin (but still really pretty) which makes me even happier for them. To be honest, I wish that my relationship with J.P. hadn't been behind closed doors when I see them together.
Oh, oh, I've been reflecting on my past relationships (all two of them!) and now that I'm a few months older and wiser, I kinda regret them. I kinda regret that I let my ex-boyfriend be my first kiss. I regret telling J.P. that I loved her. I really regret being a complete slut with her. BUTTT~~ I don't regret kissing her. That way, if her or J.R. ever piss me off, I can grin and just go, "So? I made out with J.P.." It may not bother J.R. so much now, but J.P. I know would be upset if that ever got around. But, yeah, I kinda wish that I had kissed someone who meant a little more to me. My first boyfriend was kinda just someone to have on my arm, someone who I had kinda been scared to shatter his heart by saying we weren't dating because he was fun to be around and I was pretty depressed. Though I want another boyfriend/girlfriend now. I don't care which, so long as they realize relationships and love have lost a lot of meaning to me and that I'm just doing it for fun (and that connection you get when you're dating). I don't want sex, just to feel alive and to have fun and to...go out and do something during the week. How do people do it? Continually have a boyfriend. Eveen my friend who's kinda fat, but has a nice face does that. I've only had a boyfriend and then MONTHS later, a girlfriend. Imma feeling unloved.
Okay, more about my dad and how he just gets under my skin. He said my cousin G, who I always forget is about four years older than me (we just seem so close in age!), fits into a size five. My dad's told me how fat I am for year, since I was eight, so I said I fit into a size three (and I quote, "These are size threes, Aeropostale size threes so you know they're made smaller than normal ones"). Guess what he told me? I'm still too pudgey to be a model. I mean, really! Your daughter goes from a size nine to a three in less than a year, maintains a weight of about 140, and you say she's too fat to be a model!? The FUCK is wrong with you!? Sorry, I'm tired, my head hurts, and my tummy hasn't been full since three this afternoon (an hour away from twelve hours, though I did have a small snack), so I'm overreacting to crap.

No, I didn't self-dye my hair, americaneaglelove. I never do anymore. Not after I only got half my head bleached one time. And if I had showed them anything other than a healthy example and they followed it (even though most of them were older than me) I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of it. This aunt and her kids haven't seen me since the Christmas before last, so that was when I was still fat. They didn't get to watch as the weight progressively fell off or else they wouldn't say that I looked so great. My grandma, on the other hand, is worried about an eating disorder that I may or may not have (personally, I don't think I have one, but saying that sounds...cliche right now.)

Okay, it's frickin bedtime. I need sleep. I need a nice, long run too, but that'll have to wait until later. Maybe I'll dance a little before bed. I've been feeling dancey lately. Not exactly happy, but dancey. But it burns calories so I'm not gonna complain about wanting to do it. Maybe I'll do it to a song, go to bed, and do a few more (three or four) when I wake up because I feel like crap. I have a bad headache, my nose is running, I have a cough, and I'm just sleepy.