There are days, like today, where I think back to when J.R. told me to slit my throat.

I told J.P. later that I wanted to cut just deep enough that it would bleed and possibly scar. I wanted him to realize he made a mistake. She called me "a little mellodramatic" and left it at that. Is it really a little mellodramatic to want to do that when one of your "friends" tells you to slit your throat and you feel worthless to begin with?
That was last May, five days before they started dating. I like to pretend I'm stronger, but I'm not. These days, I'm scared to get close to someone, scared that they'll end up like J.R., J.P., and even L.S., scared that they'll take that friendship and use it to rip me to pieces.
Peanut Butter tells me that friendships are easier and funner than the one I had with J.P. and Anna is trying to prove it. Only, I'm still scared. I realized that I'm getting attached to my crush who is moving soon. It scared me. Today, Anna's dog died and I swore to not get close to anyone again. Only, I think I'm too late for that.
So far today I've had maybe 240 calories. I guess I can allow myself dinner.
I'm still hoping to lose lots of weight, but lately I've been so out of it. Now, I'm grounded. I'll start seriously now. Yup.