Learning to Survive

Sorry about being missing. And Woohooo! I now have 11 people who care about the happenings in my life. Wish this post would be happier, then.
Today it hit me. Maybe it was the rain or the fact that it's the weekend but no matter how strong I say I am, J.P. is gonna make me feel like my heart has been torn out. The feelings I had for her for the monthish that we were dating still remain. I wanna hold her and just cry. Life isn't going right. We planned a future that wasn't gonna happen together. She says she felt disgusted with herself the whole time we were together, but she seemed happy. I miss her, wanna hold her, wanna cry and scream, but most of all I just wanna talk to her. Instead of doing any of that, I get to learn how to simply survive without her. I get to put my chin up and act like I don't care who she is because I'm me. But I still wanna hold her. Wanna know if she still wants to be a pastry chef. Wanna just lay next to her and tell her that she's beautiful. Because I've apparently become a sappy person.