I don't wanna eat until I'm scrawny. I don't wanna eat until I feel perfect. No, I don't want to eat until I don't hurt. Today, I began missing my Peanut Butter (that seriously what I'm gonna refer to her as) and it just... hurt soo much. All those happy memoried flashing before me, the smell of her grandma's house, the safe feeling of it all. It hurt. I mean, I gave that up. For what? For J.P.? For later thoughts of being unworthy of anything better? For self-inflicted scars? For a lack of freedom?
I don't want to eat until sanity eats its way into me. But I will eat. I always do. Weakling... Tomorrow, small breakfast, try to keep lunch at a small meal, and dinner tiny. Maybe a salad... Maybe less...I don't wanna eat.
Have I said that?
Yeah, I guess I have...
Maybe I should go to bed now? So no one else is bummed out.
Haha, this chick sent me a facebook IM asking if I was depressed! I'm not depressed, just upset. Apparently I seem it when she sees me at school. Haha, whatever. I'm happy at school.
Alright, I'm gonna go, dearss.
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