I spelled think wrong on my first try. I've had two cups of coffee only hours apart. Also probably could have had my first cigarette. L.G. is a devil like that. I feel like dancing, smoking, cutting, downing more coffee, staying up all night like this.
Tonight was AMAZING! Everyone was so lovely. I wasn't ready to leave when my mom told me I had to go. L.G. was there, obviously, and she's one of my best friends. She's sooo alive. She hates where she moved to. Haha.
I'm so not hungry and it fuckin feels great. I feel like... gosh. I feel out of this world amazing. I kissed a guy, who I'm not dating, on the cheek. I didn't really care either. I just hoped it wasn't ick. You know? Like, he didn't later go, "Dude, that was gross." That's about the only doubt I've had all night. Except maybe not mixing the meds I'm on with caffeine. They didn't tell me not to.
Alright, I think I should go. Most of the things I'm typing are going through my head faster than I can type and so they're becoming jumbled messes that I have to go back and fix.
So, basically, I've had a great night and danced about. Found out I'm well into the 130s. Which is EPIC because being near 140 freaked me out. All the time. I wanna be 120s, though.
OH! Comments!
Rachael, I had loads of fun! I found out that J.R. put a hex on me when he didn't like me and so me being so friendly to him freaks him out because we believe in karma and it doesn't always have to be something bad for something bad. Which is epic. I don't care if it's karma; I'm getting over him hurting me! Sorry, this whole thing is from the coffee, I think. And I will remind him that. I'll remind him that it also says to love your neighbor and enemy.
Miyuki Hara, I really, really wish that I didn't feel the need to date. Before I didn't and then I had my self-esteem wrecked and... now since I can't really love myself, I have to let other people do it. It's terrible. I think this is the first time you've commented, so I'm gonna super thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love comments.
My self esteem was a disaster (but not about my body) before i got with my first bf. and after all that drama, i couldn't stand my body anymore because i saw it as an object of disgust after everything that had happened and i wanted my body is just disappear. So yeah, I'm sure my ex is the big reason why i ended up with and eating disorder as apposed to some other sort of disease. Thats why i think boys are bad, bad news. Trust me, if you don't love yourself, don't try to fix it by gettng someone else to love you instead. A teenage boy's mind is a filthy and ingenuine place.
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