Again. It hurts when they do. For hours after. How do I know? They were fighting at 4:30. It's six and it still causes me to tear up. I cut about it. Then I remembered one of the ways that's supposed to help not do it. I drew butterflies on myself and named them with a person I care about. My mom has one on the back of my hand. Anna has one on the side of my left arm. I took a picture of it and told her that even if she didn't know it, she's helping me quit cutting. Because I don't want to cut anymore. I would just snap a rubber band on my skin, but I'm scared I'd do that enough to make myself bleed.
I've been a cutter for a little over a year. I wanna stop. I wanna be able to strongly look at the kids around me and think, "They think they're problems are huge, but most of them aren't. None of mine are, I fought and won over an addiction that was completely mental." I don't want these red lines on my wrist anymore. Monday, I won't wear my wristband to school. Anyone who asks if I cut will get the response of, "Yeah, but I'm quitting. I'm gonna be stronger!" and a huge grin. I'm really gonna do it this time.
When did I get 28 followers? Wait, why do I have 28 followers? I mean, really. This is just my life. My life isn't that exciting. I'm still happy about it.
Okay, then, I swear to all 28 of you that I will try my hardest to not cut at all. Even when life seems like it's the most painful thing ever. These tiny wrists will no longer scream from pain.
Tomorrow, I have a choir concert. Hopefully (because it poured today), it won't be humid tomorrow. Because it'll probably be warm even if we are inside, so humid will be gross. Heck, I hope it's never humid again. It makes the P.E. clothes in the lockers damp. Ick.
Okay, I'm going to go get a fraggin diet soda (Mountain Dew~) and then chill out in my room. It feels odd to not wear a wristband with new cuts... If Mommy sees, I'll just tell her why they're uncovered. I'm quitting. I may not be done, may slip and have it happen again, but I'm going to quit. Okay! Soda time!~
I'm really sorry that your parents are fighting. I'm very glad though, that you're using a way to help you not cut. I'm proud of you for wanting to quit. All 28 of us wish you the best of luck, I know you can do it! :)
ReplyDeleteSorry your parents were arguing :/
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with giving up cutting :) I know you can do this!
Stay strong,
Lottie x