Alex was a bad girl

I know I went of 600 and 700 and probably even 800.
The emotion consequence is awful.
I feel like cutting, like I'm super ugly, like no one will ever ask me out. Basically, I feel like no one will ever love me. I wanna be loved. I wanna be held and kissed and told I'm beautiful. I wanna be someone's girlfriend and I want that to be my motivation.
Yes, I realize that it's pitiful of me to feel like that.
I just don't feel like my ex's ever "loved" me.
J.P. said a few times that she did while we were together, but as part of breaking up with me said she realized she hadn't...ever. Guess what? I did. I loved you. Now, I couldn't care less.
My ex-boyfriend, I know I've said this, but I think he only liked me for my body and didn't care enough to actually have anything more than that.
I just want one person to show me that I won't always be treated like this. That I'll feel loved eventually. That, maybe, they love me...
Sorry, you guys don't need to read my mental break downs.

Oh, I think every day I mess up, I'll make a new diet of them, starting a week after this one ends. First day will be 600 calories because I messed up today.
I think it's fair. At first I was just gonna cut my 300 in half, but then I was worried about binging... and I don't want that. Not at all. So, I'll continue with the normal 300, make a new plan starting a week after this one ends (repeating myself.)

I don't think Anna get it. J.R. still kinda scares me.
No, he kinda really terrifies me.
I act ok, and forgot that he did, until she started texting me about how funny he is.
Then I remembered.
You know what Lexi drop dead. Go kill yourself I don't care. You would be doing the world a huge favor.
No, No, NO! I refuse. I'm a strong, worthwhile person!
Jump down a well, drown in your own vomit, slit your own throat I really don't care anymore.
Do not think about that! It ruined one summer, made you damn near crazy. DO NOT think about that!!
Only, I can't...not... think about this. This is my Hell, can't you see? That brat was supposedly my friend at that time. J.P., I'm fine with the thought of Hell because I am here. Every monster in my head screams those things, and when I'm weaker I give up and just cut.

Don't worry, Strange Toes! =3 I think we all get pretty anti-social at times.

Alright, I'm gonna go do my homework and go to bed.