I kind of thought that you guys needed a longer post

And I saw that I have a comment on my coming back post. I'll start with replying to that so I don't forget.
Kay- I really hope that I don't disappoint. It's good that you're trying to recover. I don't know that I want to recover or if I just want to give into my thoughts. However, I won't find it insulting if you find my blog too triggering and decide to leave.
Alright, so that's it.  That's my terrible excuse of a reply. Hopefully the rest will be at the bottom.
So, I went to get my depo shot yesterday. Of course they weighed me. Of course they said it out loud. 198. I am a hundred and ninety-eight pounds. That's terrible. I used to be one hundred and thirty pounds. That's over sixty pounds.I hate this body. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I need to exercise. With how crazy everything has been, I haven't. I know, shame shame shame on me. I need to get up early and go for a run. Just me and my music. I don't actually think that I will be able to though. I hate getting out of bed. Everything is so stressful. I'm irritated. I'm on edge. I just need some control. Or my meds needed upped, ha. No.
My meds make me gain weight, but I can't quit taking them.  So I have to keep trying to lose weight. And fail. So I need to more than I'm doing. It's so frustrating! Anyone wanna give a girl any tips on how to start out again? If not, that's cool. I'm sure I can find it out on my own. Like tracking the snot out of my calories.