Feeling A Little Better

I ate more than I should have. However, I went on a walk. It wasn't a long walk because for whatever reason the back of my ankle hurt really bad. So, it was about twenty-two minutes long.
However, I got a nice two hour nap in today.
My headache hasn't gotten any better, though.
I'm around 200 pounds. The scale says 198 or 199 every time. I hate it. It makes me want to scream. I hate this. I was over twenty pounds lighter back in May. I was 175. All of this makes me want to scream for hours until my throat quits.
Today, after I showered, my hair looked really dry. It didn't feel dry, so I didn't think that it did. My girlfriend said that it looks really dry.  It's gross. I hate having gross looking hair.
I know I've said this before, I wanted to be a model. Now I've changed that to a photographer. Because I'll always be too big to be a model. Or too old.
Guys, I had over two thousand calories today. I really need to quit. I need to quit just putting things in my mouth.
What about ABC? Not for the full time. The first 25 days, maybe. Obviously with lots of water. As a jump start. Not as a forever kind of thing. I don't know if I want get better or worse, you know? If I get worse, I lose weight. If I don't get worse, I risk weighing even more than I do now. It seems to be obvious until you realize I either die from it or have to struggle to recover, maybe making friends in group, and then accidentally relapse making my girlfriend hate me and leave me even though we know that we work well together.
Bella- thanks for all of the suggestions. Several months ago, from January to May, I was eating far better than I have in years. I haven't starved myself for a period of time since my Sophomore year. I take a multivitamin every day. It's a "women's multivitamin". I started taking it about a month ago because my iron levels were low. I don't know if that would do anything or not.
It's not about price that keeps my mom from getting vegetables. Most of the people in the house don't like them. We actually have a very nice garden at her church where they only ask a donation if you think you could afford it where we could get fresh vegetables.
I wish that it wouldn't fall out, though. It's not enough that I have spots where you can tell luckily.
Also, it's nice to meet you too. It's a really nice. People can read it, but they don't have to. But it's off of your chest. Having people reply, though, is really nice and it feels validating.

Kay- Thank you! I agree. I think that it's comforting because complete strangers can't tell people that you know. Your secrets may not be safe, completely. They might tell their friends or family. But...they can't tell your family and friends.