Yesterday was bad

Today is a little better.

I had a biscuit with honey spread butter(?) and grape jelly...

then we went out to eat.

Don't wanna talk about it.

I just wanna say something really quickly. And I know some of you won't agree with it.

I hate, hate, hate reverse thinspo (is that what it is?) where they have average/slightly overweight, yet still very lovely, attractive women and rip them apart.

Because the way I see it is the only thing we should use them as inspiration for is what we should be that they already are.

Proud of our bodies.

What gives us the right to even think about taking that from them?

Alright...so I was thinking back to when I was really thin (about thirty pounds less).

I remember my ex boyfriend (who I think I was with at the time) saying that if I was 10 pounds less, I'd be perfect.

I was 128.2 or something weird like that.

Ten pounds would've been 118.something.

So close to what I really wanted to be.

So close.

I think about being thinner all the time.

I think about when I wanted it so badly that I stayed up until strange hours just so I could work out for about two hours.

I want this.

...I'm 151.2...

It's shocking.

I haven't exercised much between yesterday and today.

And I've lost weight.

Wow.

Please excuse me while I spazz out.

...Okay, now then, what was I saying?

Oh yes, yes, goals!

Since I seem to be doing something right.

My first one will be 140 and I hope to reach it before the end of the month.

For "normal" people that's an obscene goal.

So of course I want to do it.

I hope I do.