It's been too long.

My weight has been up and down.

More up than down recently.

I saw 156.something on the scale the other day when I was home.

Said I wasn't going to eat today.

Ate today.

Not much.

Down to 153.0 when I weighed myself.

*pokes picture at the start of post* THIS is a problem for me.

We had the same waist when I was 128ish.

A 29 inch waist.

I'll get there (and smaller).

J.P. honestly thought that I wouldn't eat all of today.

And you know something?

I love being empty.

I love caffeine when I'm down on E.

I love the way it makes me open and talkative, but in control still.

I love knowing I'm burning calories.

I'm trying to get J.P. to start running with me.

I'm trying to start running again.

Bought shoes and shorts.

I'm scared of tanning my legs.

Why?

Scars stay white when you tan your skin.

On nearly white skin they blend in.

On tan skin they look like white fire.

Also, I like being different that way.

Everyone else is purposely trying to tan.

I don't want to be just another girl.

Anna told J.P. that I want to break up with her.

Not true.

I didn't even say that.

And J.P. believes I didn't say it.

But she keeps hearing it over and over.

We're apart right now (that's why I'm online!).

I can't make it better.

I don't really know what to do.

Because I've been kind of focused on me today.

Focused on me losing weight.

I want to be smaller.

I want my therapist to worry.

Honestly?

I think I miss the pills.

I saw that Sam Lupin is 149.5?! Could it really be that just a few weeks(days?) we were both 150.somethingorother? Wow! I'm seriously jealous right now! I'll catch up, though. Just you wait.

I will do it.

Or I'll never look at myself the same.

Alright! Off to weigh myself because (TMI!!!) I just took a massive poop earlier. :D

EDIT!!!!

I just literally did a happy dance.

151.4.

I'm losing.

I'm getting there.

Each little decimal matters.

BMI=24.9 says the scale!

J.P. isn't here to give me those worried looks either!!

Or give me strange ones as I keep up my happy dance to dubstep or Forever the Sickest Kids.

In a moment I'm going to run in place in my room. To lose more weight.

To make this worth it.

It all tastes like freedom.