After seeing

this I wanted to do something similar, so here goes nothing.
I hurt my best friend because I was scared she would forget me.
Hurting myself makes up for all the tears I don't wanna cry.
Crying is a weakness.
My (now ex, I think) girlfriend doesn't get me.
At school, I fake happy.
Suicide seems like an option some days.
It's easier to cut than it is to move forward.
I miss the days I didn't have so many secrets.
There are days were not eating is easiest.
When this is all done with, I want my journal published.
One day it'll hit me that I've done nothing with my life.
I don't love, but I can fake it so well.
My ex-best friend was like a sister to me.
Dealing with all this paranoia makes me want to scream.
I try to be strong.
Music picks me up when I'm down, but also throws me down.
I wish I could be held instead of screamed at.
Fat seems to cling to me.


Okay, done with that. My liquids only is probably the reason I'm so...crazy today, but I'm not gonna stop. I'm still fat. It hurts, I don't want anyone to think it doesn't. Everything that does go down my throat upsets my stomach, but not enough for me to puke. I told J.P. how much I miss my ex-best friend and regret not being friends with her...She flipped out at me, making me want to die. I don't think we're friends anymore, let alone "dating". So, I'm gonna get a new razor and cut, really deep because it'll be a new razor and I feel like crap. Then I'll tell everyone that I didn't so they'll think I'm getting better. Until they see the blood seeping through my clothes. Can't let them think I'm still so broken. I'm gonna try to get friends who wanna hang out outside of my house because, well, Mom thinks I was sexually abused when I was younger. I don't, but let's try to please her, kay?
Okay, I'm gonna find something to do so that I keep my mind off of all this bull.