Saying Sorry

I was playing with a rubix cube key chain that made noise any time I pushed a button on it while we were watching TV. My brother overreacted and threw something that hit my head. I deal with a chonic headache, so I threw the rubix cube at him along with what he threw at me (I didn't hit him). He went for a walk because he was so mad; I hid in my other brother's room. It hurt but only physically. Don't worry, there's a point to this. No, what made me break down in tears wasn't the fact that my older brother had hurt me. It was when he said sorry. I'm so used to people hurting me and never saying sorry that when he calmly came in and was acting his age, I could barely say that it was ok. I'm so used to being treated like crap that having say sorry makes me feel more guilty that anything. Like today, my dad was being a complete jerk to me. He made a few things that would've been jokes if they hadn't attacked my recovering self-esteem...and my mom laughed...but I'll never hear an "I'm sorry" about either of those.
I realize my life could be tens of thousands of times worse than it is; I've got it pretty good, to be completely honest, but it sometimes feels worse than anything. Life's not perfect for me. There's not a TV or phone in my room, but I have a cell phone with unlimited texting, the internet, three meals a day if I want them, snacks when I want them, a therapist, medication for my headaches (they only help slightly), and a mother who acts like she loves me most of the time. But really if I could, I'd give up all of it except for the therapist for moments of feeling...freed and well loved. Then I could worry about all of that later. Honestly, I'm probably just some overly dramatic teenager who takes everything so personally, but it doesn't feel that way. That's probably the truth, though.
Okay, lovelies, even though I would love to stay on here and type out every little thought I have, I wanna get some (how about 2-4 hours?) exercise in today and Mom's gonna make me get up for church tomorrow. So, goodnight.