I got ticked at her because we were talking about she barely eats, but has a normal weight, yet used to brag about being 98 pounds (she's 5'3" and this was back before I went semi-insane). Then she sent a text saying, sarcastically that she's such a horrible person. Haha, that made me snap. This is the text I sent to her:
"Screw it! Im sick of eating, of it being a deal, of everything! Im sick of how painful life is, of how i feel everything is my fault, of how you act like nothing between us could possibly be your fault, of how i feel like i should somehow be better!"
Worst, probably, mistake ever, but it's all true and I felt like my chest would explode. Then, as though to make life worse, I'm too fat to fit into size 9 skinny jeans. So I started on my work out list that I have to get done before I go to bed (says me).
I feel like I'm suffocating, like I could die any moment and not a soul would notice until I started stinking. My butt's huge, my thighs are fat, my arms are horrid ugly, I have a double chin, my tummy makes me look pregnant, and worse of no one tell me otherwise. Yeah, you guys have people who say you're pretty. No one thinks it when they see me.
Sorry, that's me, breaking down mentally. I thought it would be fair to share it. Now, I'm going back to working off all the ickiness that I consumed today.
(80th post ^^)
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