That even if I get in trouble I'm going to put my cell phone number up as a place for people to text if they want someone to tell them life gets better. You guys know how fucked up I am. I'm bi, I have this thing with eating, I used to cut, I've got killer mood swings apparently, I draw on myself, uhhmmm.... I'm a mess.
My Anna told me that I could get into trouble.
I told her I didn't care if I even got suspended. But that's a lie, I'd care a lot. Because it's not a "call this for phone sex" type thing. It's a "Here, I'll help you" kinda thing. It'd be refreshing compared to all of the gossip and trash talk and ripping people apart and "I love so-and-so" type things. See, I wanna start something new. I wanna write stuff like "Stay Strong", "It gets better", "You're beautiful", and things like that in each of the stalls in the girl bathrooms...because I'm a girl and going into the boy restrooms would get my into a lot of trouble. Haha.
The more I think about it, though, the more the idea changes to writing "I'm bi and writing that in a public place makes me feel so happy." OH! That's another good one: "Never be scared of who YOU are."
On another note:
I'm not eating enough. I keep almost passing out. Or maybe it's just the shitty circulation I have. My feet turned blue while I was in the shower. I dun think that's supposed to happen.
I feel like writing, but have no clue what about. I love writing.
I love music too.
And these mints. They're each about 15 calories. Sadly, the whole bag is about 660 calories and I had half yesterday and almost the rest today. Fail. Then again, when you get ONE freaking meal a day...grumble grumble... Stupid Dad won't cook for us... I mean, I have no REAL problem with not eating more than one meal, about six pretzels, and drinking a lot of diet soda and coffee, but my little brother is also home. He doesn't have eating problems, but has some developement issues and so he doesn't think to make himself something even simple like a peanut butter sandwich. Soo... He's involuntarially starving.
I love the summer and the school year. During both I only REALLY have to eat on the weekends. But during school I have more to do. During the summer, though, I can do what I want, sleep as much I want. During school, I can be the strong one at the table and not eat lunch. It's a fifty-fifty thing. I win, I lose. I'm hungry.
I'm gaining hips. My size nine skinny jeans that used to fall off are now clinging to me like I'm some fat lard. Weighing time!~
that's sweet about the bathroom thing. In my school toilets the only thing that is written is things like so and so is a bitch/hoe/slut. It's so mean! Imagine reading that about yourself so glad it was never about me.. Thats sad about your brother maybee you should cook him something!
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