I kept saying "no" over and over because she suggested her making French toast in the morning.
We had just had a really bad fight.
I couldn't think of anything but how worthless I was. How I always make her feel bad.
How she deserves better. Which led to how she deserves someone who looks better.
But then today, I ate normally.
I told her I was munchy and she told to go drink my tea.
So I didn't have to deal with the regret of eating.
I feel like I was more confident when I was starving.
I don't understand.
People who starve don't get more bright and sunny.
They get less and less.
Until poof.
They just go out.
I'm 174.
Or that's what the scale at the doctor's says.
Which is what I'm gonna believe.
That's my new highest weight.
I'm AT my highest weight.
Who cares if part of it is muscle?
I still have fat.
I want to be tiny. Teeny.
Size three again.
Maybe even size zero.
I used to be a size five in dresses.
Wanna know what I am now?
A freaking 13!
I was ok with being a size nine in jeans.
It's not double digits.
Thirteen, though?!
I was a fourteen in eighth grade.
That's one size away.
I really need to lose weight...
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