I can't do anything right it seems.

I eat.

And Eat.

And eat.

I don't exercise enough to get rid of the weight.

So I get fatter.

Tomorrow breakfast will be one caffiene pill (200 mg) and lots of water.

Then weightlifting.

Maybe water with protien Special K stuff in it for lunch (30 calories).

Dinner?

Who needs dinner?

Mom brought home a whole bunchh of clothes I can't wear because I'm too fat.

So I need to lose this weight.

Because most of the clothes I own are for someone twenty pounds lighter than I am.

How did I do it before?

I don't even know.

The picture above *points to picture at the start of post* give me an idea. I think I'll have a jar.

For every pound I lose, I put in some change.

That becomes the money I can use.

When I get enough, I'll go on a shopping spree.

I want people to look at me and say how beautiful I've gotten.

I want people to talk.

I want the people who knew me this year (we'll call it my fat year of high school) to look back and go "Wow! You're really thin now! You were so fat once."

I want to be thin.

I miss cutting.

I know, it's bad for me, but I miss it.

I miss looking down at all the lines racing up and down my arms.

The pain of getting dressed and undressed not just being mental, but also physical.

Did I lose more weight when I was cutting?

I think I did.

I think I strived more to be pretty because of the scars lining my body.

But I talked so much about wanting to quit.

About wanting to be better than it.

I like it though...

I miss it.