Let's start off with what I haven't blogged.
I'm dating j.P.
and have since Halloween.
...that's about it.
Today, I was hit with this awful feeling.
I'm about 150 again.
Remember, when I quit posting, I was about 128, thinking about hitting 120.
I felt incredible, I think.
Now....I'm a fat piggy who can barely fit into her size 3 jeans.
I wanna cry.
Recently, I've wanted to cut and not eat so much.
And then I don't cut.
And I eat.
And it hurts more than doing either of those things (or both of them!)
I deleted my thinspo because Anna and J.P. use my computer.
Now, I'm telling my girlfriend everything.
And it hurts because I know she'll keep me from not eating.
She's been down this road, so I should listen to her.
But I don't wanna.
I probably won't.
Tomorrow? I hope to not eat.
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